Hey y'all! B Loves Life here with something a little more serious today. I was having a deep conversation with my son Darius about representation in the entertainment industry, and it really opened my eyes to some things I hadn't fully understood before.
We were talking about how black men and women are treated differently in the industry. I asked Darius why he thought black men don't seem to face the same discrimination based on skin tone. I mentioned Idris Elba and Denzel Washington - they're getting star roles in major productions. But when it comes to women like Viola Davis, even though she's now getting lead roles, she's talked openly about not being paid what she deserves.
Darius made a really good point about how there are multiple factors at play. Being a black woman in media versus being a black man gives you different advantages and disadvantages. The "man part" gives you more status, while being a black woman, especially with darker skin, puts you at a disadvantage. All these things compound together.
I'll be honest with y'all - I didn't fully understand how deep colorism ran until much later in my life. When I was younger, some of my girlfriends would complain about skin tone issues, but I didn't realize how serious it was. I thought it was just casual talk like "I'm light-skinned, you're dark-skinned," but I didn't understand it was a real systemic issue affecting people's lives and relationships.
It wasn't until I started watching YouTube videos years later that I realized how deep colorism really goes - that people would actually refuse to date someone because they were darker-skinned. Some would even say things like "I wouldn't marry you or have kids with you because I don't want my kids to be dark." When I heard that, I finally understood something was seriously wrong.
Darius grew up with social media where these conversations have been happening for years, so he's been aware of these systems for a long time. He can see it in every part of life. I think it's actually worse now in some ways - you see men on dating shows literally saying they don't want anyone dark-skinned. Back in the '90s, you wouldn't have seen that because those platforms didn't exist.
I had many girlfriends with deeper skin tones who were genuinely upset and depressed about their skin. I didn't understand why because they were absolutely gorgeous - perfect skin, beautiful eyes, downright stunning. I thought "pretty is pretty" and that they could get anyone they wanted, but that's not how the world works, sadly.
Darius believes we've come a long way though. He pointed out artists like Jasmine Sullivan who's in a much better place than she was 15 years ago, and Kiki Palmer who's finally getting recognition after being in the business as long as Beyoncé. Chloe Bailey just won Rap Album of the Year - she's only the third woman to ever do that in history!
I think Darius is right - we're moving forward by having these open conversations. If we stay silent, nothing changes. But when we talk about these issues and ask if we're overlooking talented people based on skin tone or other factors, we can start to fix things. In the '90s, we weren't having these conversations at all.
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The saddest part about all this is how those oppressive ideas from outside can seep into our own community. Now we have people within the black community trying to create hierarchies based on skin tone, trying to separate and elevate themselves by saying "I'm better because I'm lighter-skinned." Everyone wants to find whatever gives them an advantage, and they'll cling to that at the expense of others.
I've seen more and more people talking about how harder it is for people with darker skin tones to find partners. Not everyone, of course - there are plenty of beautiful dark-skinned people with loving spouses who adore them genuinely. But many others have a tough time because potential partners are making choices based on what they want their future kids to look like, whether it's height, skin color, or other features.
These are tough conversations, but they're necessary. What do y'all think? Have you noticed these patterns or experienced something similar? Let me know in the comments.
Much love,
