On Frequency and Needs in Marriage – An Honest Perspective from a Wife
Hi everyone, today I want to share about a topic that’s a little sensitive but very real in marriage – the frequency and needs in a couple’s intimate life. This is an honest conversation I had with Nate, my husband, after 24 years of marriage.
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The Three-Times-a-Week Agreement
In a previous video, I shared that we agreed on three times a week, and I thought that was a reasonable and healthy number for our marriage. But today, as I sat down with Nate, I truly understood his perspective.
Nate explained to me that, from a man’s point of view, everyone’s needs are different. Some men may want it multiple times a day, while others may only feel fine with once a week. For him, he compared it to taking vitamins – something you should do every day for your well-being.
“You know,” Nate said to me, “I think of this as a daily thing, because when my needs are met, I feel less stressed, more relaxed, and able to focus better on my day.”
The Truth About My Husband’s Desires
When I asked Nate directly how many times a week he would ideally want, he honestly shared: “At 44, almost 45, I wouldn’t say every day, but five times a week would probably be ideal. But I go along with three times because I know you have other things going on too.”
I realized that our three-times-a-week agreement was originally made when Nate was working at GE, where his job was extremely stressful. Now that his work isn’t as demanding, we never really sat down to revisit that agreement.
The Differences Between Men and Women
One thing Nate shared that really made me think was about the differences between men and women. He prefers the evenings, while I prefer the mornings. Sometimes he’s in the mood at night, but I’m exhausted from the day. Other times I feel ready in the morning, but he’s already focused on work.
“The important thing,” Nate said, “is that we communicate about timing. But we should also leave room for the natural, spontaneous moments, because that’s what makes it special.”
Looking Back on the Early Days
We laughed as we remembered our early years of marriage. Back then, two or three times a day wasn’t unusual. Nate joked, “If you were still like that now, we’d probably have a whole basketball team of kids!”
But now, after 24 years, I understand that things naturally change over time. Our bodies change, our circumstances change, and even the way we approach intimacy evolves with life.
My Honest Feelings
I have to admit, as a woman, I’m very emotional. When Nate does special things for me, takes care of me, and makes me feel loved, that makes me want to be close to him. But if we’ve argued or if he does something that upsets me, I’m not in the mood for intimacy.
This is something many couples need to understand: men and women approach closeness differently. And the key is learning how to understand and adapt to each other.
This was a very real and open conversation between us about a subject many couples shy away from. I hope that by sharing this, it encourages you to open up and talk with your partner about your real needs and desires.
