A Real Conversation That Left Us Thinking.
Last night, we stumbled into one of those unexpectedly deep conversations—the kind that starts off casual but ends with everyone sitting still, thinking quietly. We were watching an episode of New Amsterdam, and in it, a couple—madly in love and about to get married—suddenly finds out they’re cousins. The room went quiet. And then the question came up: What if that happened to us?
It might sound like something pulled from a dramatic TV script, but the truth is, it’s not as impossible as it seems. Families drift apart. Names change. People move. And before you know it, you could be dating someone who shares more than just a last name with you.
My wife was the first to speak up. Calmly but firmly, she said:
“If we’ve been married for 23 years and have kids, I’m not leaving. I don’t care if we’re cousins. Love is love. Family is what we built, not just what we came from.”
That hit me.
From there, the conversation deepened. We started breaking down the levels of blood relation. Where is the line? Is it first cousins? Second cousins? Third? What’s acceptable socially? What’s acceptable scientifically? And morally? We agreed that being siblings would definitely be the hard stop—but more distant ties? That’s a grey area, one that many cultures and countries handle differently.
We also touched on the genetics—what happens if a couple has children before discovering the connection? Would it matter then? In our case, our kids were already here and healthy, so it was a hypothetical—but still a heavy one. And not everyone is so fortunate.
Then came a powerful realization: How little we sometimes know about our own roots. One of us shared how they hadn’t seen a side of their family in over 40 years. Another mentioned that family history was never really talked about growing up. When you don’t know where you come from, how can you be sure of who you’re connecting with?
We ended up agreeing on a few practical thoughts—things most people don’t consider until it’s too late. Like sitting down with your grandparents and mapping out family trees before marriage. Or using modern tools like ancestry services or DNA tests, not just for curiosity but for clarity.
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At the heart of it all was this:
Love matters. But so do knowledge, ethics, and responsibility.
Every couple would handle this kind of situation differently. There’s no one-size-fits-all answer. But having the conversation—asking the hard, weird, even uncomfortable questions—is what matters most.
It was a surprising, even shocking, topic to land on over a TV show. But sometimes, those are the ones that stay with you the longest. As always, we reminded ourselves:
Put God first in everything you do. He gives clarity where confusion lives.
