Marriage Wisdom: Never Go to Bed Angry – My Truth, My Testimony

Let me sit y’all down real quick and talk to you like a sister, because this is something I learned the hard way and I stand on it strong: never go to bed angry. Don’t do it, sis. Don’t lay your head on that pillow with bitterness or resentment in your heart. That stuff will eat at you, steal your peace, and baby, it is not worth it.

Now let me be real. Me and Nate? We don’t do that. We just don’t. No matter what happens in our day, no matter if we get a little irritated or have a small disagreement, we always make sure we talk it out before we go to bed. We don’t leave it hanging. That’s something we learned together, and we’ve made it a rule in our house. I call it our golden rule.

And let me tell you exactly where that came from.

I remember so clearly, back when I was in my twenties – you know, those years when you think you know everything, but baby, you don’t know nothing. I was mad at Nate. I don’t even remember what it was about – probably something small and silly, but I was heated. I told him, “I ain’t talking to you. I’m going to bed. Leave me alone.” And I did. I went to sleep with all that anger in my chest, lips tight, heart pounding.

Child, I woke up the next day so sick. When I tell you sick? I mean laid out on that couch like I had been hit by a train. Fever, chills, whole body aching – it was the worst flu I ever had. And I knew in my spirit that it was because I had gone to sleep angry. God was trying to teach me something that night. And guess what? I listened. I vowed to myself – and to Him – that I would never go to sleep on anger again. And since that day, I haven’t.

See, marriage isn’t easy. People love to show the pretty parts – the Instagram posts, the anniversaries, the cute vacation photos – but behind closed doors, it’s work. Daily work. You gotta choose each other every single day. And you gotta learn how to talk through stuff without tearing each other down.

Me and Nate? We know how to do that now. But it didn’t happen overnight. Oh no. When we first got together, baby, there were days I wanted to snatch his head off, and I’m sure he felt the same about me. But we grew through it. We learned how to love each other better. Now, if we do get upset, it's short-lived. Two minutes later, we’re laughing like nothing ever happened. That’s what real love looks like.

And y’all, even if you’re married to your soulmate – and I truly believe Nate is mine – you’re still going to have trials. The Bible even says that. Paul said it plain: There will be trouble in marriage. That’s why he chose not to marry. He already knew! But when you marry your best friend, someone who respects you and loves you from the soul, it makes the journey a whole lot sweeter.

I always say this – Nate is my best friend. We built this marriage on friendship, trust, and faith. He’s the one I go to after I talk to God. And that’s how it should be. You should feel safe with your spouse. You should be able to share your heart, your fears, your dreams – and know they won’t take it and run to someone else with it. I’ve seen marriages where folks gossip about their partner like it’s nothing. Uh-uh. Not us. That’s sacred, baby. What’s said in our marriage stays in our marriage.

And let me tell you this, too: don’t let nobody – I don’t care if it’s your mama, your sister, your best cousin – come in your marriage and tell you how to run your house. That is your house. That is your union. One of the best things me and Nate ever did was pack up and move to a city where we didn’t know nobody. Just us and our little family. No outside noise. No distractions. Just the two of us figuring life out together.

It helped us build our own rhythm, start our own traditions, and grow up fast. We leaned on each other because that’s all we had. We had family night with the boys, cooked together, laughed together, prayed together. That’s how you build a foundation that lasts.

So, if there’s one piece of advice I can give you – and I mean this with my whole heart – don’t go to sleep angry. It’s not worth it. That pain, that pride, that silence – let it go. Talk it out, love it out, pray it out. Whatever you do, make sure your heart is clear when your head hits that pillow. Because peace in your home starts with peace in your heart.

Take it from me – that fever wasn’t just about the flu. That was a lesson wrapped in sickness. And baby, I learned.