Hey everyone! I want to share something close to my heart with y’all — marriage — a journey that Nate and I have been walking together for 23 years now.
When Reality Isn’t Fireworks Anymore
People often ask me, “How do you keep the spark alive in marriage?” The truth is, after 15 or 20 years, you don’t wake up with your heart racing every time you see your spouse anymore. The honeymoon phase — with all its butterflies and fireworks — eventually fades. But you know what replaces it? Something even more beautiful: deep friendship.
Nate and I are best friends. We can talk for hours — even when we’re not physically together. And that, right there, is the real foundation of a lasting marriage.
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The Art of Forgiving Fast
One of the things Nate and I do best is forgive quickly. Some couples can stay mad at each other for three or four days. I don’t know how they do that!
With us, if there’s a disagreement, within minutes one of us will say, “Baby, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have reacted like that.” We’ve learned to ask ourselves, “Why did I react that way? What made me feel that?”
Don’t Blame — Take Responsibility
This is the most important lesson: in marriage, the problem isn’t them — it’s you. We often say, “You made me act this way!” But wait a second — how can someone make you react in a certain way?
The truth is, only your spouse knows how to push your buttons. If it were a stranger on the street, you’d just walk away. But with the person you love? You let them trigger you. Does that make sense?
In a Christian marriage, your spouse is your greatest test. That’s when you kneel down and say, “Lord, I need You — because this person is driving me crazy right now!”
The “Fabrications” in Our Minds
Have you ever made up a whole story in your head? Like your husband is late, and you start thinking, “He doesn’t value me. He always does this. If it were a coworker, he’d be on time!”
But in reality? He was just stuck in traffic. He texted you, but you didn’t check. Everything else was just fabrications — stories you made up in your head!
That’s how the enemy attacks our minds — by building strongholds through lies we start believing.
When the Past Affects the Present
We filter everything through our past experiences. I’ve seen people overreact to the smallest things, and I’m like, “Why so serious? It’s not that deep!”
A lot of times, people in marriages get hurt but never talk about it. They stay silent, build walls, and every time their spouse does something small, they snap. They don’t even realize why they’re angry.
Romance fades when there’s an emotional wall between you. You’ll never grow in your marriage until you open your heart and tell your spouse how they hurt you.
A Happy Marriage Doesn’t Mean a Perfect One
People misunderstand when I say I’m “happily married.” They think that means I have a perfect marriage. NO! There’s no such thing as a perfect marriage.
Being happily married means you married the person God chose for you — someone you get along with, your best friend, the one who’s there when you need them. Most importantly, it means you’re on the same page financially, in parenting, and in your life goals.
Don’t Waste Time
Here’s something to think about: Who wants to live in constant stress? Stress ages you, weakens your body. And half the things you argue about? They’re not even worth your peace or your breath.
Imagine this — you’re mad about something small, and then your spouse gets in a car accident and ends up in a coma. You’d sit there regretting the last harsh words you said.
When they’re gone — or if they’re gone — you don’t want to look back wishing you had spent more time loving, laughing, traveling, or just being together.
Time is the one thing you can’t get back. Every second that passes is gone forever.
In Sickness and In Health
When you’ve grown older together, you want to enjoy those years in good health, because you know you’ll be there for each other through sickness and through strength.
I’ve seen couples where one partner suddenly loses their mobility — it changes everything. You become their caretaker. You can’t travel, can’t do the fun things you used to.
If you don’t truly love that person, resentment creeps in. But hey — that’s what you signed up for! When you got married, you vowed “in sickness and in health, for richer or poorer, till death do us part.”
That vow is brilliant — it covers everything life can throw your way. You made a covenant before God, and you honor that covenant.
Don’t Lose Connection
It breaks my heart to see couples living like roommates — separate bedrooms, no intimacy, no connection.
When you have kids, they pull you in fifty different directions. You’re driving them around, feeding them, clothing them — and then eighteen years later, the kids are gone, and there’s a stranger in your bed. You don’t even know who they are anymore.
That’s when you need to date your spouse again. Every 7–10 years, people change. You have to rediscover each other. Ask, “Baby, what’s new with you? What’s going on in your world?”
Nate and I still go on date nights, dinners, trips. We talk for hours. Even when I travel, we stay on the phone talking forever. That’s how we keep our connection alive.
The Power of Praying Together
The number one thing I love about Nate? He’s a man of God. He’s my covering. We pray together every morning. “Two shall put ten thousand to flight.”
Every morning, he makes me hot chocolate, gently wakes me up, and says, “Babe, I’m going to pray.” I go downstairs with him because I don’t want to miss that. Praying together is powerful.
The Question That Reveals True Happiness
Here’s the test: If you had to do it all over again, would you still say “yes”? And would you be happy saying it?
If both of you say yes — you’re in a happy marriage. But if one says, “I don’t know about all that…” then there’s something to work on.
Me? I’d do it all over again with Nate in a heartbeat. He’s understanding, caring, family-oriented, and selfless. Most importantly, he’s humble enough to look at himself and say, “Babe, did I handle that wrong?”
Final Thoughts
I started praying for my future husband when I was nine years old (yes, even while sitting on the toilet! 😄). And God blessed me with Nate — the gift I thank Him for every single day.
To all my single friends out there: don’t lose hope! Get on your knees and pray for your future spouse — then wait. God will bring them to you. The Bible says, “He who finds a wife finds a good thing.” So ladies — stop searching. God will place that person right in front of you.
Marriage is a journey, not a destination. It has highs and lows, but if you keep God at the center, respect each other, and remember you’re a team — you’ll make it.
It’s been 23 years, and I’m still learning, still growing with this man. And I wouldn’t trade it for anything in the world.
