Hello everyone, Tae here. Today I want to share with you one of the most significant moments in my life - the day I formally asked my girlfriend to have a baby with me.
Before starting our conversation, I made sure to get her permission to record this moment, promising not to post anything if she wasn't comfortable with it. I had prepared everything I wanted to say on my special paper - the kind I only use for truly important moments.
When I began, I was incredibly nervous. My heart was racing, and I had to pause several times to compose myself. My anxiety was so evident that it started making my girlfriend nervous too. We raised our glasses in a toast, and I emphasized that regardless of her answer, our relationship would remain unaffected.
I started reading from my prepared notes: "I have an important question to ask you that doesn't require an answer now. In fact, I hope you take all the time you need to think about your answer."
But emotion overwhelmed me, making it difficult to continue reading. I expressed my deep gratitude to her: "I hate to ask anything of you considering all you have done for me. You've helped unbreak me, you've helped move me out of a dark place into sunshine. You've seen the worst parts of me and still remained. Simply put, you cared about me. I've lived in my head most of my life, and it's been very lonely. Outside of God, it's hard for me to trust people, so when I ask you this, it's because I trust you. If your answer is ultimately no, my respect and love for you does not change at all, I promise."
Then I began talking about how I've observed her with her daughter. That's where I believe she shines the brightest. The way she pours love into her child is something I've never seen before. We had previously discussed our desires to have children in the future - she wanted a son, and I just wanted a healthy baby.
I acknowledged that our relationship isn't typical, but I truly believe she's an amazing parent, and I know she thinks I would make a great parent too.
I admitted to her that I wanted to have a child but wasn't looking for a surrogate. I felt that I lacked in the nurturing department: "I'm a provider, I'm a protector, but there's that womanly touch I just don't have."
With our age difference (me being 36 and her 30), I knew this was a lot to ask. I explained that regardless of our relationship status, I believed we could bring a life into this world together that we both could nurture. I wanted her to carry my egg, not as a surrogate, but as an active mother in the child's life.
Her initial reaction was surprise. She said that while she believes I would be an amazing parent, for her, the next time she brings a life into this world, she envisions herself being married and in a happy household. She's been through ups and downs with her daughter Jayla and doesn't want to repeat those difficulties.
Finally, she said that to even consider this proposal, she would have to really think about having another child without getting married again, but she never said she wouldn't get married.
This was one of the most challenging and sincere conversations I've ever had. I opened my heart and shared one of my deepest desires with someone I trust. Regardless of the outcome, I know that my feelings and respect for her will never change.
Thank you all for following this journey with me. I'll keep you updated in upcoming videos.
With love, Tae
