Over lunch with my husband Nate, I found myself deep in thought, replaying a wild episode of New Amsterdam I had just watched. In it, a couple discovered through therapy—just ten days before their wedding—that they were actually cousins. A simple DNA test turned their entire relationship upside down.
The woman was crushed and couldn’t imagine going through with the marriage. But the man? He didn’t care about the biological tie—he loved her, and that love was bigger than anything else. That got Nate and me into a real, raw “what if” conversation: “What if we found out we were cousins?”
(If you enjoyed this post and want to try out the same ingredients and tools I use, feel free to check them out below!
These are affiliate links, which means I earn a small commission at no extra cost to you. Thank you for supporting my work
- 7.5 Quart Cast Iron Dutch Oven: https://amzn.to/4dcUqms
- Lodge Pre-seasoned Cast Iron Skillet: https://amzn.to/3TyyMSA
- Bamboo Seasonings Box with Mini Spoon: https://amzn.to/4dfHzA6)
Let me keep it real with y’all—we’ve been married for 23 years. We’ve built a whole life together, raised a beautiful child, and shared every joy and storm side by side. So if we somehow found out today that we were cousins? I wouldn't go anywhere. I’d look at him and say, “After everything we’ve been through, all the love we’ve poured into this family—we’re not breaking this up now.”
But Nate? He had a different take. He said if we’d found out something like that in our first six months, he probably would’ve ended it. Not because of how he felt about me, but because of what other people might say. He told me, “I just couldn’t handle folks laughing at us.” And honestly, I get it. Sometimes, it’s not even what we think about ourselves—it’s what the world throws at us.
Here’s what’s wild though… situations like this aren’t that rare. Y’all, I hadn’t seen some of my uncles in over 40 years. I met some of their children—my cousins—just four years ago for the first time. Now imagine if I had been living in the same city and started dating one of them without even knowing we were family? It could have happened.
That’s why I always say—you better let Grandma do her detective work! Take your partner over there and let her dig deep. “Now baby, where’s your family from? Do they know the Thompsons from down on 47th Street?” Grandma will uncover truths in minutes that would take Ancestry.com weeks!
And don’t get me started on 23andMe! Nate and I always joke that we’re never taking that test. ‘Cause what if we found out something we just weren’t ready for? But truth be told, even if we did, we’d face it like we’ve faced everything else—together.
