When My Son Wanted to Live Like It’s the Stone Age

Today while eating with Darius, I was reminded once again of the generational gap between us. This young man—24 years old—still avoids social interaction like it’s the plague. Let me tell y’all, Darius doesn’t want to do anything, doesn’t want to talk to anyone. Whenever someone delivers food to the door, he waits a full 3 minutes after the app says it’s been delivered before stepping outside. Three whole minutes! Why? Because he wants the driver to be long gone so they won’t see him in his "hermit mode" and hoodie. I asked him, "What if you wore decent clothes?" He still said he wouldn’t want to be seen, even if he looked presentable.

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This generation grew up with social media—I didn’t. When I started getting into it, it was just beginning, but Darius had Facebook at 12 or 13. That’s when their unhealthy relationship with phones started. He says I have an unhealthy relationship with my phone too. I told him, “Let’s not exaggerate. At least I know how to talk to people, say ‘excuse me.’” He knows how, he just chooses not to. He wants people to leave the food at the door, stand six feet away, ask nothing. And if he needs something from the store? He’d rather search the app than ask a staff member.

COVID made people even more used to avoiding face-to-face interaction. I asked, "How long are we gonna blame everything on COVID?" Darius said it’s still early—we’ll probably blame it for another 50-60 years. Then he told me about this Gen Z TikTok trend—the “Gen Z stare”—about how they look blank when interacting in real life. I don’t think Darius is socially awkward, but what happened with the sunglasses girl was awkward. I asked her, “Do you remember when I last wore these?” while holding the glasses right in front of her. She still said, “What?” That was the one time I actually felt embarrassed in front of Darius.

Last night Darius watched a video about a guy who tried living 30 days without a smartphone. He used a TV and laptop but no mobile phone—no GPS, no texting, no calls on a phone. He had a landline and a real alarm clock. He said he read more, watched movies fully, and enjoyed life more without the constant checking. Darius said he wants to try that, but it needs setup. That guy rode the bus in LA because he couldn’t call Uber. He had to figure out the route and write it down on a notepad, then go to Staples to print directions. That’s how we used to live! We had to stop at gas stations to buy maps, figure out our direction. Road trips meant stopping every few hours to ask strangers, “Is this north?”

I get why we use maps now—I don’t want to go back to that. In the video, the guy missed a turn and lost 10 minutes. I told Darius, if I had to follow printed directions, we’d get there next week. I can’t read maps. I’d end up in Oregon. We used to print directions and keep them in the car. But what if there’s a detour? Construction? I wouldn’t know what to do.

Darius admitted he couldn’t live without his phone because of social media. He said if he didn’t work in that space, he wouldn’t use his phone so much. But now, his brain is wired to constantly check and create. I get that. I used to do social media too. But it’s different when you’ve had a phone since you were 12—it’s been with you your whole life. He wants to stay off TikTok or Twitter but feels like he has to stay updated just to keep up with friends like Malik. But that is his job. He can’t disappear for 30 days—how would he film anything?

I get it. We did live without phones. We know what life feels like without them. But Darius never grew up without one. What used to be normal now feels insane. Today’s phones and social media are so intense, kids are ready to h-urt or even k*ill someone if you take their phones. They’ll fight their parents over it. I said, instead of phones, give them Cabbage Patch dolls like we used to have. Darius said he never had one—they were too expensive. Hundreds of dollars back then. Now probably worth thousands.

We talked about the new Squishmallow store opening in Kenwood Mall. The line went out the door. I worry they’ll only do well for 2 months before the trend ends and they shut down. It’s just another TikTok thing. I said they should rent short-term or just sell online. Trends end fast. What happens if they open 3 stores and no one cares after 6 months?

Darius said our generation didn’t grow up with phones but now we enjoy things better because of them. He doesn’t think I could go outside without my phone. I said I could—especially after retiring, no social media stress. I’d enjoy peace more, garden more, watch the Home and Garden Network. Darius asked if he could take my phone while I garden. I said, sure—I’ll be watching Home Network. I could do 30 days. He wants us to try 90 days together.

That guy even set up a landline, gave everyone the number. I said, I’m not doing landlines. But that’s what we had—rotary phones. Once you left the house, you disappeared. No one could reach you. And honestly? That’s what I want. This generation is always reachable—“Let me text Darius, check his socials, call him.” I don’t want to be available for everyone all the time. I get anx*iety just thinking about being obsolete. Darius asked, “How can you be obsolete?” Obsolete means no longer made or used. Outdated.

In 1991, we had to use the Webster dictionary, go to libraries, read encyclopedias to learn anything. We had full encyclopedia sets at home. Even bought big textbooks from door-to-door salesmen to teach our kids math, science, history. I always thought Darius was smart enough to become an Einstein from those books. But nope. He didn’t read any of them. That’s when you realize—you can dream all you want for your kids, but in the end, they have to make their own plans.