So there we were, sitting around the table, enjoying some good ol’ tacos — just a chill family moment, nothing serious at first. I looked over at Zaddy, and I noticed he kept eating the same basic food, like he always does. I said to him, half-joking but half-serious, “You need to find yourself a woman who can cook for you!”
Right away, Zaddy clapped back, “Mom, that’s so contradictory! You’re always telling me to be independent, to handle things on my own. And now you’re saying I need someone else to do stuff for me?”
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I smiled and said, “Baby, I mean it in the context of marriage. That’s what I’m talking about — marriage. That’s the whole point of it.”
Before I could even explain more, Nicole jumped in — and let me tell you, she came in strong. She said, “That part? Oh no. We’re not doing that part. I don’t do marriage.”
I turned to her, caught off guard, and asked, “Wait, you don’t want Zaddy to get married?”
And she didn’t even hesitate. “No. I don’t want to get married.”
That surprised me. I had to ask, “Really? Why not?”
Nicole answered from a deep place. She said, “Because I want forever, but I can’t guarantee that. No one can. People can leave whenever they want. You can think something is forever, and then one day it’s gone. That scares me.”
I nodded, understanding her fear, but still trying to offer another perspective. “But marriage can be beautiful — when it’s with the right person. It’s about building something lasting together.”
Nicole looked thoughtful, but she said, “I get that, but I haven’t met anyone who makes me believe in it yet.”
So I asked her, “But do you think your opinion might ever change? Like, if you really connected with someone on a deep level?”
She said, “Maybe… but they’d have to really convince me. And we’d need a lot of time together — at least two years. I’m not jumping into anything.”
Then I gave her a ‘what-if’ scenario: “Okay, let’s say you meet someone who’s absolutely perfect for you. Y’all vibe in every way. But here’s the thing — he doesn’t believe in marriage at all and never wants to get married. Would you be okay with that?”
Without missing a beat, Nicole said, “Yes, I’d be okay with that.”
Now I was really curious, so I asked, “So you don’t believe in marriage at all? You don’t think it’s necessary for a couple to be truly committed?”
Nicole shook her head. “Nope. I don’t think marriage is the only way to prove commitment. We can be together forever without having to sign papers or walk down an aisle. We can create our own ceremony, our own traditions.”
And that’s when the practical mama in me kicked in. I asked, “But what if he buys a house or builds something up, and then something happens to him? You wouldn’t be entitled to anything legally.”
Nicole didn’t blink. “Why not? If I’ve lived with someone for 10, 15 years, you better believe I’m going to have a claim on that house if he passes away.”
I leaned in and said, “That’s if he dies. But what if y’all break up? Then what?”
Nicole stayed calm but firm. “If we’ve been together that long, we’ve built something together. If I find someone wealthy, I’m not trying to take everything — but I’m also not walking away with nothing. I deserve a fair share of what we created.”
Zaddy finally chimed in with a smirk, “With the way you think, I guess I should think the same way if I end up dating a rich woman.”
Nicole laughed and said, “Exactly. I’m not talking about being greedy. I’m talking about fairness. If we’ve shared a home, a car, a business… if we’ve built a life, and then we part ways, it’s only right that I leave with my portion.”
Zaddy nodded and said, “Yeah, I get what you’re saying. That can get really complicated though.”
I sighed and looked at them both, “Y’all are still young. There’s so much life ahead.”
Then I thought back to my own journey and said, “You know, I got married when I was 23.”
Zaddy looked at me and said, “I still want to get married. I know I will one day.”
I teased him, “Well, you sure taking your sweet time with it.”
He grinned, “Our generation’s just built different, Ma.”
I looked around the table and asked, “Something’s happening with your generation. Why is everything taking so long now? Why is it so hard to settle down?”
Then I got real with them. I asked, “Do y’all think dating today is easy? ‘Cause I’ll tell you this — if I had to go back out there and be single again in today’s world? Oh no. I’d be single for life.”
Everybody burst out laughing. “Mom, you crazy!”
But I meant it. “For real! It’s crazy out there. I’d be shocked if Zaddy decided to settle down — and it would have to be with someone he’s known and loved for years.”
