Lou: What Was the Final Straw for Me?
We’ve talked about the general reasons for our breakup—but then there was that one thing, the final straw that broke everything beyond repair. For me, that’s the moment I knew we couldn’t come back.
We were living together, but by the end, we barely spoke. We’d pass each other in this house—this very house I’m recording in now—but had no real interaction. We hadn’t shared a bed in forever. I stayed in the bedroom. Tae was out here—living a completely separate life. Staying up until 4 or 5 in the morning.
I'd wake up around 3 a.m. to use the bathroom, and she’d be asleep with the phone on her chest, or still talking with a group of female friends. And to be clear—no, not a harem. They’re great women, great friends. I knew it then, and I still do. But at that point, I wasn’t part of her world anymore.
There was no “Hey, how are you?”, no “You wanna eat?”—nothing. All the little moments we used to share were gone. I started to mentally decline. I wasn’t eating, I was drinking more than I already had been, and I could feel myself spiraling.
I knew if I stayed, I would sink deeper into depression. Then one night, I was out on the balcony and ended up eavesdropping on her livestream—because she didn’t talk to me anymore, but she talked to them all day. And I saw things that broke me. Even though we were technically single at that point, I still felt completely replaced.
I came inside and slammed the door—hard. She was live at the time. And I knew right then: this is it. If I stayed, there would be more outbursts like that. So I packed my things and left.
Tae: Why I Pulled Away
I still had to work. When our YouTube channel wasn’t consistent because of relationship issues, I had to make up for that lost income. I spent six months doing trading cards—but going to the post office was exhausting. So I leaned into TikTok—and started growing fast.
Livestreaming gave me real connection. Unlike YouTube, where people leave comments, TikTok felt personal. I made friends—especially with the moderators from our former joint livestreams.
I was living in Delaware, with no family, no communication with Lou, and I was doing everything I could to stay away from gambling. These new friends helped me. They gave me connection, support, and a reason to stay grounded.
Lou wasn’t there for me emotionally anymore. When things got bad, she’d go silent. And that silence—triggered me. I have abandonment issues from my past: from my dad, from my mom’s initial reaction when I came out. When Lou would shut down, I’d feel abandoned—and I’d run straight to gambling. These women kept me from that.
And yes—Lou’s right. I did prioritize them over her. Because by the time she wanted to reconnect, I was already too far gone. I had waited so long for her to show up for me—but when she finally did, I didn’t want it anymore.
She started to come out of her depression, but by then, I was emotionally drained. I didn’t want to show up for her. I gave my time and care to those women, and yeah—Lou saw some things on livestream that hurt her. Things that had never existed in our relationship before.
I was finally becoming myself. I had friends for the first time. I felt alive again. And at that point, we were single—very single. There was no cheating. But yeah, I was flirtatious, and Lou had never seen me like that with anyone else.
So when she slammed that door—that was it. We stopped living together.
So… Can We Get Back Together?
Lou answers:
No. I don’t want to fix what we had. I want it to stay in the past. What I hope for now is that Tae and I can grow a real friendship. I’ve never felt this much peace with her before. I want her in my life—but as a friend.
Tae agrees:
This—right here—is how we’re “fixing” it. We’re learning to be friends. Because honestly, we never were. We were either lovers or enemies—no in-between. And when we were angry, we treated each other like strangers—or worse.
Our love was passionate and real—but when it got bad, it got really bad. The breaks we took from YouTube? Those were the bad times. We never faked happiness online. Everything you saw was real. And when it wasn’t good—you didn’t see us.
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And the YouTube Channel?
We still live just five minutes apart. Always have. She didn’t move far. I could walk to her place if I wanted.
And now, instead of being a couple, we’re trying something new: being exes learning how to be friends. Has anyone ever really shown that? That journey?
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Can exes be friends?
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What happens when new people come into our lives?
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Do we already have someone new?
That’s for the next video...
In the end: This isn’t about reconciliation. It’s about healing, about respect, and about learning to show up as better people—for ourselves, and maybe for each other… as friends.
