Y’all, I have to be real with you. As Darius’s mom, there are so many things I didn’t know about my son’s world. And “trade” – that’s one of those words I had to learn from scratch.
The First Time I Heard About “Trade”
Sitting with Darius today, I realized “trade” isn’t just about straight men. No, it’s way more complicated than that. My son had to break it down for me: trade refers to men who look masculine, often Black or Hispanic, but they keep secret relationships they never want to be public about.
“Mom, you gotta be in a Black area to even find trade,” Darius told me. “Here in Ohio, we don’t really have much trade.”
When he spoke about Atlanta being the “capital” of trade, I finally understood why his trips there always felt… different.
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The Difficult Experiences
When Darius shared stories about meeting trade in Atlanta, my heart sank. He told me about a man who took him into an empty apartment – one the man didn’t even own, just managed as part of his job.
“We were on the carpet, Mom,” he said. And I felt ashamed – not for what my son was doing, but because he had to accept such conditions.
What troubled me most was how these men treated him. Darius described them as rude, cold, and dismissive – men who carried the attitude of, “What can you do for me?” without any concern for his feelings or comfort.
The Generational Gap
I have to admit, sometimes I don’t understand the world my son is in. I grew up with 1-800 dating hotlines, while he’s navigating apps like Grindr. Back in my day, you needed time to get to know someone before meeting. In his world, things move fast – sometimes too fast.
“Mom, you’re just out of touch with this,” Darius said. “You’re a straight woman, and you’re not Gen Z.”
And he’s right. I feel like an alien in this space. But that doesn’t mean I don’t want to understand and protect my child.
A Mother’s Worries
Hearing about him meeting strangers, facing risks, and worrying about being recognized because of his online presence – it all weighs heavy on me. And when he mentioned hygiene issues and uncomfortable experiences, my anxiety grew.
I even thought about tracking him with Apple AirTags. It may sound crazy, but I just want to know he’s safe when he’s meeting people we know nothing about.
“I’ll put one in your car,” I told him. “And maybe eight more where you won’t even find them.”
The Truth About the Community
The hardest part of our conversation came when we talked about why trade exists in the first place. Why do some men feel the need to live double lives, hiding who they really are?
I had to admit a painful truth: the Black community, including the church, has not created safe spaces for people like Darius. We’ve alienated them. We’ve forced them into fear.
“The Black community has a problem with homophobia,” I said plainly. “And if someone feels offended by that, then I’m talking about them.”
What I Learned
After this talk, I realized my son’s world is filled with dangers I never imagined. Trade isn’t just about masculine men – it’s about people living in fear, hiding themselves from the world.
I learned that my son has had to navigate a space I don’t understand, with rules I don’t know. And most importantly, I learned that my role is not to judge, but to listen and to support.
Closing Thoughts
Y’all, if you have children in the LGBTQ+ community, please create safe spaces for them. Don’t force them to seek acceptance in places that are not safe.
And if you’re still struggling with homophobia – do better. Get it together. Because when we don’t accept our own, we create trade – people forced to live in the shadows. And that helps no one.
Love y’all. And remember – keep it cute, or keep it mute.
