Submission in Marriage: A Journey of Learning to Love and Serve
Today, while enjoying the vegan spaghetti and falafel I made myself, we had a deep conversation about a topic that sparks many different opinions — a wife’s submission to her husband.
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When I First Started — I Knew Nothing
To be honest, when I first got married, I had no idea how to serve a man. That’s something you have to learn — something that has to be taught. I remember thinking, “Okay… what exactly am I supposed to do with the man God has given me?” I tried to do my best, but it wasn’t easy.
Over time, I realized that in marriage, submission can fade — just like a man’s respect for a woman can fade too. They stop doing the things they once did for each other. And sometimes, a woman might think, “Why should I cook for him when he doesn’t do the things he used to do for me?”
When God Changed My Perspective
Everything shifted when I became a Christian. Because then, I was serving my husband before God — in His name. That’s a completely different mindset.
In regular relationships, two people make their own set of rules. But in a Christian marriage, those rules are set by God’s Word. We are accountable to God — I’m accountable individually, my husband is accountable individually, and we’re both accountable together as one.
So I cook for my husband with joy, I do things for him with joy, because he also joyfully does kind things for me. It’s a relationship built on giving and receiving.
Submission Is Not Just About Cooking
Let me be clear: submission is not just about cooking. It’s about allowing a man to lead his family — and trusting that he won’t lead you or your household in the wrong direction.
That takes time, because sometimes we women can be strong-willed, opinionated, and very expressive — and I’m definitely that type. If I feel something’s off about my husband’s decision, I’ll say, “Honey, I don’t think… in my opinion…” I share my thoughts, but never in a disrespectful way, never yelling or losing control.
Because I know that whatever he tells me is either led by the Holy Spirit or comes from a place of deep conviction about what’s best for our family. Sometimes, he sees the bigger picture that I can’t.
Balance and Mutual Growth
And sometimes, my husband will come to me and say, “Baby, I listened to what you said — and you were right.” That’s balance. That’s what we’ve learned over the years.
He’s learned to value my opinions and intuition — because I’m usually right in those two areas. I have a spiritual discernment about people; that’s a gift. He’s learned to take a step back, breathe, listen, and understand — and then decide how to apply my input to the bigger picture.
A Lesson From the Movie We Watched
Last night, we watched a movie about a woman who simply could not submit to any man. She was a lawyer, very wealthy, and had this attitude of “I’m a strong Black woman, I don’t need a man.” She treated the men who worked for her like they were beneath her — it was that bad.
Then she met a man who wouldn’t tolerate that behavior, and she started to fall for him. Fearing her attitude would ruin the relationship, she began reading books and watching videos about submission.
It reminded me of what Kevin Samuels used to say. I didn’t watch him much, but from what I saw, he spoke from a man’s perspective. And the core message was this: men want to be respected.
My Perspective on Submission
I believe a woman should submit to her man — to a certain extent. Let me explain what I mean.
I believe a man should have home-cooked meals if his wife doesn’t work. But if both have demanding jobs, then compromise is necessary. When we both worked, I still cooked because the kids needed to eat. But sometimes I made quick meals, or my husband would say, “Baby, let’s order pizza tonight so you don’t have to cook.”
And brothers, when you find a good woman, she’ll find a way. She’ll turn an almost-empty fridge into a full meal. You’ll look in the fridge thinking, “Ain’t nothing in there,” and somehow food appears on the table!
Not About Stereotypes — About What Works for Us
I don’t live by stereotypes or social expectations. I’m simply talking about what my husband values in a good woman, and what I personally enjoy doing. Every man has different needs, and every woman has her own way. I never see men or women as one-size-fits-all groups.
My Message
Let me make this clear — getting to this point wasn’t easy. But if you truly want to do things God’s way, you’ll take care of the man God gave you.
Sometimes you have to be taught. Sometimes you have to learn. Sometimes you just have to cry out to the Holy Spirit and say, “Lord, help me.” And yes, sometimes we mess up — over and over. But you live, you learn, you forgive, you show mercy. You learn to see people the way Jesus sees us — and that’s what truly matters.
We’ve been walking with God for about 24 years now, and in recent years, the Holy Spirit has really cleansed and transformed us from the inside out. It’s been a journey — but one I’ve deeply enjoyed.
And you know what? When you become truly intimate with God — when you pray together and study the Bible together — everything becomes so much easier. God aligns your spirits, and you become united in heart and purpose.
That’s what submission means to me — not losing yourself, but serving in love, with God at the center of it all.
