The Conversation Between Darius and Nate
Darius was in the middle of moving to Chicago, surrounded by unpacked boxes. Amid the mess, he decided to film a short video with his dad, Nate, about the journey of his life—from birth until now. They only had 20 minutes. As Darius joked: “One minute per year, like an MCU fast-forward.”
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When Did Nate Know?
“When did you know, even before I told you?” Darius asked.
Nate replied, “Around age 5 or 6. Nothing obvious—just subtle differences. You liked long hair. Once tried on your mom’s shoes. Little things parents sense.”
“Did you and mom talk about it?”
“Not really. We just started nudging things in the ‘right’ direction—saying stuff like, ‘boys should do this or that.’ But honestly, we knew way before you did.”
Darius's Self-Discovery
Darius shared that he didn’t realize he was gay until age 12 or 13.
“I had no one to refer to. No gay relatives. Didn’t even know what it meant. I had to figure it out by myself.”
When he first came out, he told his parents: “I’m 70–80% gay, maybe 20% into girls.”
Now he admits: “That wasn’t true. I’ve never been attracted to women. I probably wasn’t ready to admit it fully—or I hoped I’d change.”
Nate’s Reaction
“When you told me, I was devastated,” Nate admitted.
“If it’s someone else’s kid, you might have all these opinions about ga*y people, but it doesn’t affect you. When it’s your own child, suddenly it’s personal—you start thinking what it means for them, and for you.”
“I was scared. I knew how society might treat you. The hate, the abuse, the judgment you could face. As a father, I kept asking: how do I protect you?”
“But after processing it, I knew one thing: no matter what, you’re still my son. A parent’s love is unconditional. That never changes.”
Religious Perspective
Nate added, “From a Christian point of view, I know what the Bible says about homosexuality. I grew up with all of that. But I also know who God is—a being of unconditional love.”
“I can’t imagine God saying to an entire group of people: ‘You don’t get a chance.’ That doesn’t sound like love to me. I’m not here to judge anyone.”
Being Black and Gay
Darius said, “I also had no representation of being both Black and gay. I had to cope alone, figure it out myself. People often say Black communities are the most homophobic in the country—least supportive of ga*y marriage.”
“The hard part is, I already fight every day against stereotypes about Black people. Being gay makes it harder. People think: ‘Oh, he’s gay, so he must think differently.’ And suddenly, my words lose power.”
“I’m lucky. A lot of Black gay folks get kicked out, cursed out. I’ve seen those stories. The D*L (down-low) culture exists in our community because we don’t give men the space to be themselves. If there’s no space, they’ll hide.”
Advice
Nate offered this:
“Everyone has to choose to live authentically. Be who you are. Not living in truth doesn’t just hurt you—it hurts everyone around you. So many people marry the opposite sex, then divorce later. It causes pain for all.”
“To parents: if you’re in this situation, take your time to process. It could take years. Don’t rush. Find people you trust to talk to—not those who’ll gossip.”
“And most importantly: this is no one’s fault. Not yours. Not your child’s. It’s not about fault.”
