What I’ve Learned About Marriage: A Mother’s Honest Advice for the Next Generation

As a mother of two adult children, watching my son now stand at the threshold of marriage has stirred a lifetime of reflections. I’ve lived through the beauty and heartbreak, the growth and recalibration that come with building a life with someone. And so, I feel called to share the wisdom I’ve gathered—not just as a parent, but as a woman who has experienced the layered realities of love and commitment.

One of the first things I always tell my children is this: engagement is not meant to be indefinite. In most cases, especially for men, the clarity about a partner’s place in their future often arrives within the first six months. The time after that isn’t about discovery—it’s about confirmation. Dragging an engagement out for three to five years can quietly erode momentum, delay important life decisions, and in some cases, even introduce doubts that were never there to begin with. I encourage a one-year engagement at most—enough time to prepare, but not so much that the focus shifts from the relationship to logistics.

Another non-negotiable in our family: a prenuptial agreement. I understand the hesitation it might evoke. To some, it feels unromantic—like planning for failure. But I’ve taught my children that a prenup isn’t about mistrust; it’s about clarity, boundaries, and mutual respect. It protects what each person brings into the marriage while ensuring that everything they build together will be justly shared. In a time when relationships are tested by external pressures, a prenup can actually remove one of the biggest future stressors—financial uncertainty.

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And speaking of finances, weddings have become financial landmines for many young couples. I’ve seen it too often—borrowed money for one extravagant day, only to enter marriage shackled by debt. When a guest list of 100+ feels obligatory just to please extended family, couples end up sacrificing their financial freedom for fleeting approval. I gently remind my children: your marriage is not a public performance. It’s a sacred union. A courthouse ceremony, followed by a small gathering of loved ones, can be just as meaningful—if not more. Use the money you save for a down payment on a home, for an unforgettable honeymoon, or to build a safety net for life’s surprises.

A wedding is a single day. Marriage is a lifetime. That distinction is where many lose sight of what truly matters. Love, respect, shared values, and long-term planning—these are the real foundations of a lasting relationship.

As a mother, my deepest wish isn’t for a Pinterest-perfect wedding. It’s for my children to enter marriage with open eyes, prepared hearts, and the courage to build something meaningful. Because at the end of the day, marriage isn’t about how you start—it’s about how you grow together through every season that follows.